The Choices We Make
by RockyMountainGirl
Summary: Mordred wants to know why Merlin has been treating him with unfair suspicion ever since he arrived in Camelot. He finally confronts him. Can anyone truly have power over their own destiny? Oneshot.


**Synopsis: **Mordred wants to know why Merlin has been treating him with unfair suspicion ever since he arrived in Camelot. He finally confronts him. Can anyone truly have power over their own destiny? Oneshot.

**Author's Note: **I started this before episode 5.09 came out, so this does not take into account the conversation between Mordred and Merlin at the campfire.

* * *

Mordred walked into the armory, wiping off the perspiration that had gathered on his forehead during training with the back of his hand. He glanced around to see Merlin staring back at him, looking up from the armor he had been polishing. Trying to ignore it, he turned around and placed his sword on one of the tables and began to undo the straps of his armor, but he could feel Merlin's hostile gaze digging into his back.

It had been like this for months- ever since he had been knighted. Everywhere Mordred went, he could feel the other sorcerer's distrustful eyes following him. Sometimes, he could even detect a fiery flash of hatred…or was it fear. The druids had always taught him that the two emotions were linked as closely as brothers. Either way, Mordred had had enough of it.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he turned around. "What's wrong, Merlin?" There was a cold edge to his voice that surprised himself, and he could tell by the look on Merlin's face that he was taken aback by the sudden confrontation as well.

"What? Nothing." Merlin said defensively, looking back down at the armor, focusing on polishing it too intently.

Mordred could feel the muscles in his jaw clenching. He shook his head. "No. Don't give me that." He took a step toward Merlin. "I have helped you and Arthur. Up North, I saved both of you from Morgana, and I took a spear to the chest to protect Arthur from the Disir. Not to mention," he lowered his voice, "that I have kept your secret, _Emrys_. His voice was now little more than a hiss. "So, I think I deserve to know, why you keep looking at me like you wish I would fall on my sword."

He was now standing very close to Merlin, his feet having moved him forward without him willing them to do so. Merlin raised his eyes to meet his own. _Yes, that's definitely hate_. Mordred thought, Merlin's icy gaze making him feel uneasy. He doubted that Merlin would try anything here, the risk of exposure was too high, but he prepared himself anyway. He knew what Merlin was capable of.

Finally, Merlin opened his mouth as if to speak, but was interrupted as the other knights came bustling through the door, giving each other playful shoves and laughing at some unknown joke. Mordred and Merlin shared another last look, and then Mordred turned back and returned to putting away his armor.

Sir Gwaine came up beside him and patted his shoulder, "Great job sparring with Leon today! I've never seen him so flustered as when you managed to land that blow across his back!"

Sir Leon grinned good-naturedly, "Yes, I will not be underestimating you again!"

They continued, but Mordred wasn't listening. From the corner of his eye he saw Merlin putting away the armor and making his way to the door. _Emrys_, Mordred projected his thoughts. Merlin stopped, but did not turn around. _Emrys, I still want answers! _Merlin glanced over his shoulder at him, then turned around and left.

Mordred dropped everything where it was and walked out after him, deaf to the inquiries of the other knights as they asked where he was going. He jogged to catch up to Merlin and placed his hand firmly on his shoulder to stop him. "Merlin."

"Leave it!" Merlin growled.

"I can't. I need to know." Mordred pleaded. "What have I done to deserve this?"

"It's not what you've done but what you are going to do!" The words tumbled out of Merlin's mouth before he could stop them.

Mordred looked back at him, hurt gleaming in his eyes. "What?" he whispered. "You hate me so much for something I have not even done yet. What could I do that is so terrible?"

Merlin took a step away from him, shaking his head. "Nothing. Forget I said anything."

"Merlin!" The flames of the torches lining the hall shot up at Mordred's voice before dying down again as Mordred calmed himself. "Tell me," there was desperation in his voice. A desperation to understand why the one person who he thought would be able to accept him most was so determined to see him as the enemy. "Please."

Merlin looked at him in thoughtful silence before opening a door on the side of the hallway that led to one of the guest bedrooms and gesturing for Mordred to enter. Mordred did so and Merlin followed, shutting the door behind them.

"You really want to know?" Merlin asked, no longer attempting to mask the hostility in his voice. "It's because you are the one who will destroy everything I've tried so hard to build! You will ruin everything!" He paused, and Mordred could notice moisture collecting in the corners of his eyes. When he spoke again, his voice shook. "You are going to kill Arthur."

The words nearly knocked Mordred over. "No", he whispered in disbelief, "You're wrong!"

"I've seen it." Merlin growled. "And I cannot let it happen."

Mordred shook his head vehemently. "You're wrong!" he repeated. "I would protect Arthur with my life! I believe in the future he will bring, just as you do!"

"No." Mordred wondered how Merlin's eyes could be so cold. "It is your destiny to be his downfall."

A spark of anger flickered in Mordred's gut. "And do I have no say in my destiny?" He spat. "Merlin, you should know that the future is not written in stone. I say I will not do this and you must believe me."

"You cannot escape destiny."

"Can't I?" The spark became a flame. "Or is that just what you want to believe? Emrys, you have a great destiny, one that you desperately want to believe will be fulfilled. Perhaps that is why you are so desperate to condemn me to mine."

"I made the mistake of assuming that people can overcome their fate before. With Morgana." Merlin said defensively.

"You did? But did you also alienate her like you are alienating me? Treat her with the same suspicion?" Mordred asked. "Perhaps you helped drive her to it!"

"You think I caused Morgana to become evil?" Merlin hissed incredulously.

"No, of course not. Not intentionally." Mordred sighed. "I know you are a good man, Merlin. I know how hard you have fought for your destiny, and for Arthur's, but you must believe me when I say that I fight just as strongly against mine. It is not easy, but it can be done. Our lives are not written by some unseen hand, but by our own in the choices we make."

For the first time, Mordred noticed that Merlin seemed to look at him and see him for who he was, at that moment, rather than the killer he had seen in his vision. But there was still doubt in his eyes, and it pained Mordred.

"Prove it." Merlin broke the silence. "Leave Camelot. Go where I know you can do no harm to Arthur."

"What?!" Mordred asked incredulously. "You can't be serious."

Merlin did not reply.

"I will not." Mordred protested. "I can do more good here. Don't you see, I could help you!" He could tell that his words fell on deaf ears. _Why won't he believe me or give me a chance?_ He thought desperately.

"I don't need your help." Merlin said evenly.

Mordred fought angry tears that threatened to show how hurt he was by this injustice. When he spoke, his voice was calm. "Well, that's too bad, because you've got it."


End file.
